'This is fine' says RA helping random unconscious resident back to their room for the third

A Residential Advisor once again must go above and beyond for a naive resident who overestimated themselves on a fateful Thursday night.

The resident who has asked not to be named was seen in the communal area of their floor waving a half empty silver bag of wine over their head earlier in the night - this strange ritual was symbolic of their inevitable demise.

After an hour at the Bar Night the resident began walking like a newborn deer before attempting to ascend the stairs back to the safety of their floor bathroom - friends were initially concerned, but then distracted as the opening seconds of The Ian Carey Project’s ‘Get Shaky’ blared through the speakers in the common room.

The resident’s RA later discovered the individual with their head in the porcelain throne, half snoring, half sobbing over the realisation there would be no ‘Moose Hookies’ tonight, only sleep, a future migraine, and an embarrassing return to functional society in the morning.

With the small young adult in their care, the RA managed to return them to their bomb-site of a single room, and put them to sleep. This showing of pastoral care is ever so slightly more taxing than a regular conversation about how someone is going, but the attitude around College is that eventually this behaviour really should be avoided.

‘I don’t get how these people all got ridiculous study scores yet can’t do the basic mental process of realising they’re being an idiot. Like just stop drinking for a bit, it’s not difficult’

When asked for comment, the unidentified first year confronted the Daley Mail with the following reply:

X: “Yeah I cooked it, probably won’t happen again though”

Reporter: “You do understand there is another Bar Night next week? Any plans to change your behaviour?”

X: “Nah probably not”

Will this phenomenon occur again? Yeah, these people are degenerates.