‘Gang Gang’: Minister identifies organised crime threat from Daley Road

Minister for Home Affairs Peter Dutton has made another controversial comment, asserting that the recent ‘gang’ crisis has now spread from Melbourne to Canberra.

As evidence, Dutton cited the increased use of the phrase ‘Gang Gang’ by young adults in the inner areas of the nation’s capital.

“I have been talking to people from ANU Security. They are scared to go to work,” the Minister claimed on Q&A last night. “Daley Road is effectively under martial law.”

When pressed for specific instances, Dutton surprised the audience by naming the alleged leader on live television.

“Confirmed intelligence from ASIO has identified the syndicate’s kingpin as an individual named Mikey Ketsavos.”

The 16-year-old, whose alias is thought to be ‘Big Mike’, has been “terrorising” members of ANU’s community by shouting ‘Gang Gang’ at high volumes across campus, Dutton said.

“This is a natural evolution from the Somali Gang crisis in Melbourne. It is clear that Mr Ketsavos has migrated from Melbourne to Canberra to extend the reach of this anarchy and lawlessness.”

The Minister commended the work of the Australian Cyber Security Centre in identifying the risk before peak radicalisation could occur.

“When the individual posted a Facebook cover photo with the caption ‘School was very hard (Gang)’, our experts knew we had a potential miscreant on our hands,” an official from the ACSC said in a statement to The Daley Mail.

However, the government’s position was met with widespread criticism from civil society.

“Where was this government outrage when individuals were appropriating the word ‘n*maste’, in direct violation of the human rights of the South Asian diaspora?”, Lavisha El-Carteli from the Trots Alliance lamented.

Other groups, such as the Leyjonhelm Supporters for Freedom, argued that this statement was indicative of a growing police state. “What’s next? The criminalisation of listening to ‘Gucci Gang’? Blanket bans on ‘Gang of Youths?’”

The Daley Mail has been unable to contact Mr Ketsavos. Attempts to reach his alleged hideout in 1B convo were deemed too hazardous due to the prevalence of an odd-smelling smoke permeating from under the doorways.