Suspicion as Blink-182 pulls out of Kambri Concert, students advised that student accommodation will

Confusion has broken out regarding the eagerly-awaited opening of Kambri, following last-minute changes to key marketed points of the refurbished Union Court. In the wake of a postponed grand opening, students and staff continue to find themselves without information on how to access and utilise the facilities advertised in the initial marketing shoots.

Characterised by the vagueness and general mystery of its original publicity, the proposed “luxury” student central has been subject to intense anticipation from student influencers and followers alike.

While support wavered when student investigators uncovered suspected interference from elite marketing organisation Klub Lyme, the university won back the affection of marketing agency Top12 Productions with the proposed replacement of the Student Co-Op and ANU merchandise shops with Harry Hartog and Seed outlets respectively.

However, outrage among student influencers has been renewed with recent developments in the new, on-campus Fenner Hall, with an initial promise of “a bold new campus experience” now downgraded to a series of “modern, eco-friendly, geodesic domes,” suspected to have been previously used for disaster relief in Chifley library, during the Great Floods of February 2018.

The discovery follows a series of info leaks from whistleblower Edmond Snowden, who first alerted the public to the cold reality of the “luxury demountable villas” found on an undisclosed location on campus.

Our investigators are working around the clock to bring justice to the vulnerable on-campus residents affected by the publicity campaign.