North Shore girls fail to find other North Shore girls at dinner, 2 dead

2 diners at Burgmann College’s regular 5:30 service have been confirmed to have passed away last night as a result of forced socialization with residents originating from more than 15 kilometers from their place of birth.

It is understood that a miscommunication regarding fake tan appointments left the girls departing the salad bar unable to find the same people they ate lunch with.

In a statement Burgmann college described the deaths as “a tragedy” but further promised to “contact the ANU Law faculty within 48 hours to find adequate replacements.”

The Daley Mail spoke to Professor Ingrid Hightail, an expert on religious groups and cults from the ANU’s Center of Arts and Social sciences,“clearly in this case the prospect of group members having to engage outside the tribe lead to an inability to process the potential impeding conversation.”

Police are treating the deaths as non-suspicious and but note this marks the second such spate of deaths in recent times with two Mosman residents losing their lives last week after having to share a desk with an international student.

Due to the significant amount of lost revenue expected by these losses, mourners are encouraged to donate to their closest Lululemon or Messina store.